Board Thread:Citizenship Applications/@comment-27287555-20160613194958/@comment-3542404-20160614021725

After reading through, I tell tell you without a shred of doubt that you're going to have to rewrite a fair chunk of the app.

For starters there's no clear sign of age, country of origin, or bender type, no appearance section or image and no alignment. "Einheria" won't work as a name as it's clearly Germanic/Norse in origin.

The history is also incredibly dicey and won't work: "She had two sisters, who passed away when young. Her parents, soon died later, killed by raiders."


 * Where?
 * Names would be good too.

"Following this time she sought out allegiance with a fire bender. After she got the loot promised, she joined the mercenary’s. She became an assassin, who would later become known amongst those who lived in the cold regions."


 * What loot?
 * Cold regions of what?

"Einheria was later recruited by an earth bender who failed to deliver."


 * Deliver what?
 * Why would she be recruited from a (presumably) successful job by a failing earthbender?

"Einheria later fled, almost defeated by a water bender. There she stayed until later she became once again a mercenary."


 * Fled from where? Why?

"Both from the Republic City as well as those from the Northern and Southern Regions."


 * I presume you don't mean the Poles, that would be just absurd.....
 * Seriously though, specify.

"However shortly after joining, a master sought her out, a master of fire. He claimed that she had the gift of fire and she accepted to learn under his teachings and principles."


 * If this is code for saying your character is a firebender, they're way too old to realise they have any bending potential at this point

"Under his teachings, Einheria found her hate towards the Republic, and eventually founded a top secret organization, they called themselves the BloodRose Legion."


 * Nope
 * You cannot found a faction without EP and staff approval, even retroactively

"Not even the council found out about it, the Avatar indeed searched, but believed these myths and legends to be false."


 * It probably goes without saying that that's not going to fly either...