User blog:The Kaio-Ken Kid/Crumble Cookie Crumble: Legend of The Lady Killer ;) Part 1

*sigh* Dear god why. Any topic but this one.The why did you put it in the options area of the announcements? I DIDNT ACTUALLY THINK PEOPLE WANTED ME TO TALK ABOUT GIRLS! What would I know? I'm a teenage boy. All I need to know about girls are bewwwwwbs. ''...*sigh* So its going to be one of those blogs? ''



 NOTE 

Anyway before I start I just want to put a disclaimer in here because I know some people are going to comment down below,because come on you know you guys just love to complain about something. Also make sure to post your first expirence with the opposite gender and lets get this trending a lil bit shall we? Give me your thoughts about the blog and ideas on how I could improve. Along with the obvious topic of girls starting with my first expeirences with them as this will be part of a 3 part series since GIRLS are such a broad topic and I dont really want to reveal to many embarrising things about me in one go.These events and situations are (hold on lemme bold it) TOTALLY ABSOLUTE SUPERCALIFRAGICLISTICESPICALLIDOSHIOUSLY TRUE and have been in no way fabricated for entertainment or tampered in anyway. When you read this you may think:There is no way this is needed you arent THAT unlucky.

Well guess what numb nuts(or clit depending on your gender idf. Numb Cunt? Is that even a thing?)

      YOU ARE WRONG

The Making of a Legend
To talk about this topic is to reach into the depths and the deepest corners of my mind to reach for some memories that I would rather keep to myself but you guys asked for it so I'mma bring it.Ugh too sexual *static* Anyway some of the earliest moments I have had with the opposite gender went down in a gas station when I was 12. I know what you are thinking when I said gas station. You nasty.*Static* 

Ahhh 12 the budding of  early relationships and health class which just informed me how gross we humans really are. When I was 12 my Dad decided to show up for once took me(by myself,no siblings) to this gas station during our trip to Alabama(where he is from) we were almost completely out and lucky we even made it there without having to get out and push his Jeep. He told me to go inside the gas station and do my own thing because refilling would take a bit since he was also going to get some extra for the road. We had stopped in the middle of nowhere in the state of what looked like Utah or something,of course the best thing to do what your kid is to let him go on his own in a gas station. He gave me 10 bucks and basically told me to get out of his face while he flirted with the women around. So I went into the gas station to see if I could get anything good. It tooked like your average stereotypical american gas station in the middle of nowhere(dont know what they look like in other places). And I was in there for about 10 minutes ready to leave when I see this pack of girls walk into the doors. Immediately one of them catches my eye. Her hair shined and her eyes glittered type deal(I see you about to click out of here,get yo ass back here its gonna escalate). I thought this girl was the Scarlet Johanson of girls,my cleopatra,my juliet. My little heart skipped a beat(which with a little gagging got back to its normal rutine). I hide behind the chips isle and looked at her from afar,thats right I was mission impossible-ing that shit. I was Jason Bourne up int here she did not see me. Unnnntiiil I got lost in her big brown eyes and ran right into coolers with the pop(or soda or whatever the hell you call it in) it. I basically Morpheous headbutted that shit. I was so disoriented that I fell over a pile of cans,drawing the girls direct attention to me. I basically freaked out and crawled into an isle,thank god the clerk on the shift at the moment was too much into his....soccer game? To this day I dont even know what sport he was watching. Proffesional dog breeding?

The girl,I am going to call Jasmine, seemed to be getting a little interested into ya boy here and was creepin over to my area. I combed my hair with my hand and did my best impression of the Fonz(who I thought was really cool at the time) playing hard to get I went into the isle opposite of her. She smiled and moved over to the isle infront of me and we would peek through the items at each other making googely eyes at each other. I knew that girl wanted me. But you just cant get allll of dis on the free market. You gotta work.*does best impression of a fashion model* You gotta be FIERCE to tame this lion. So Jasmine decides to make things a little more interesting, she starts moving a little closer to the shelves,I think it was her Dad coming in or something,but I was too focused on the Poo-tang to focus much on him. She started getting a little agressive,biting her lip and motioning for me to come over to the isle with her. Like I said you gotta WORK IT FIERCE to get all of dis. So I refuse. I could tell she was getting frustrated. That was good. She started getting desperate. That was better. Eventually she decided to skip the forplay. She moved over two HUGE bags of chips and came closer to the selves,her lip coming in as if motioning for me to go.''Kiss me. I dare you.'' I was bout to go buck wild in there I was so excited. I knew my dad was about done playing mind games with her so I went in for the kiss.

Now this is where shit gets reeaal bad. When I went in to kiss her I think I went in too much,because I ended up pushing the shelves OVER. She screamed as she was caught in an avalance of chips as the isle basically falls and crushes her,as she bumped into the one behind her because of the first one. I just stood and stared at her,my eyes wide as I looked up to see her friends with their mouths just wide open,but they seemed to be looking at something above me. I slowly turned around to see CHUBACA standing infront of me. Well he might as well have been chubaca. And one thing was for sure I wasnt Han Solo. This guy looked like a freakin lumberjack,red hair everywhere. Honestly it was gross. I smiled nervously. I was guessing this was her father. How the hell did something so beatiful come from something so scary? The only thing Han and I had at that moment was his last name. Because I was going to die Solo. So I did what any resonable man would do in the situation. Transformed myself into Usain Bolt and GTFO! I just hurtled over all the crap and I could feel him tailing me. I was basically galloping to my Dad. "GET IN! START THE CAR!" I screamed to him. I can still remember his face. It was priceless. Like, ''What the hell is a lumberjack doing in North Dakotha chasing my kid? ''I zoomed towards my Dad but just before I could get there I was jolted to my right. I had been tackled by Jasmines older brother who had been in the car. I struggled to get out of his grip but he was like 4 years older and 3 times my size.

Eventually they pulled me up and turned me around. It was then I realized that it wasnt the Dad that was chasing me but JASMINE HERSELF. She was crying and had a few cuts and a few bad bruises. And then all I remember is her fist rocketing towards my face and being on the ground with blood coming out of my mouth. Everything was just like snapshots. One of my dad flipping out. One of my dad picking up Jasmines older brother. Slaming him. Dad's face when he saw Señor Sasquach came up. Tackled my Dad. Eventually things came back into focus about 10 minutes later when Jasmines mom made Jasmine and her brother apologize to me. I understood where Jasmine got her looks from then because her mom was basically Jessica Alba back in 2007 when she was a big thing. I explained everything that had happened exactly how I thought they did. It was only then that Jasmine revealed that she only punched me because she thought I was running away from her and thought she was ugly. I wish someone should have taken a picture of my face because I'd imagine it something like this:



So with a few more apologizes we both made promises to our parents to do somethings we will never probably do and went our seperate ways.

In the end I didnt get the girl OR a kiss. All I got in exchange for my cooperation to trying to create a life milestone in a head ache and 3 knocked out teeth which I immediately lied about to my friends about getting in a bar fight. May not been the greatest moments in my life but it sure did raise my street cred.

And in the end I guess

Thats Just how the cookie crumbles :/