User blog:Gigitygig/The Musings of The Penguin King - 2

Greetings all and welcome to my musings,

This chapter's musings will be about my opinion of life and the important people in it and life with my friends, please all grin and bear it for I shall probably disagree with you on some things...

Chapter 2, Part 1, My life as a Lemming (The Decent into Perspiration):

I must begin with saying that my life at home is quite comfortable and highly amusing.

However, I seem to complain and bitch about it to absolutely no end. In my hormone-fueled teenage brain, life in my home is a trial and it limits me greatly, I truly know that my life is far better than the vast majority of the world. Many, many people are far worse off than me, yet in my head, I am the hardest done by and all things I take part in should be focused on me, this is a horribly stupid and selfish perspective and I know I should give it up. However I cannot, I am simply not mentally mature enough to completely abandon this thought process. I am not the funniest, most interesting or most important person in my world, In the below paragraphs I would like to tell you who I truly consider these people to be.

My father is quite possibly the funniest person I know. His seemingly endless stories of shenanigans and misadventures have entranced me for years. During his highschool years my father did a great many amusing things, they are as follows. One day my dad and his friends decided to create the touch explosive Nitrogen Iodide and place it in the shoes of the nuns who taugh at his country catholic school. As you can suspect once the nuns tried to place thier feet in thier shoes...boom, even if they did not suffer physical damage they certainly needed a new pair of shoes afterward. Another such tale of woe is that of when my fater and his friends smuggled a heap of balloons into the tech shop of his school and proceeded to fill them with explosive gas from the welders... these balloons were placed in a rubbish incinerator (they still used those in schools during my dad's young days), a layer of paper was placed over the balloons and a nun was promptly fetched to lit the incinerator.... The nun in question was thrown at least 10 ft and lost her eyebrows for the next month and a half...

The most interesting person I know is probably my oldest friend. Our parents knew each other several years before we were born, we have grown up together and I feel like I know him more than I know anyone else in my life. I know how he behaves and how he will react to almost everything. Yet I still find out new things about him all the time, he was directionless and somewhat lazy until he got into producing electronic music and to my surprise he stuck at it until, I believe, he was good enough to make his music his living. After he finished high school he did not go into serious gigging with his music as I expected, instead he applied for national service with the Finnish military. I knew it was always an option for him yet I thought it was the last thing he was going to do. This friend of mine is constantly surprising me even though I know more about him than I do even my sister. It is for this reason I think him the most interesting person in my life at present time.

Alas, the most important person in my life is myself. I have many people who I know should be more important than myself, my gf for one. But I can't shake this narcissistic personality of mine, I am entitled and rude, spoiled and pig-headed, I know that those around me should be more important than myself, yet I cannot get rid of the part of me that says "Fuck everyone else, they aren't worth as much as you anyway." This is a failing and I am trying to get over it.

Chapter 2, Part 2, The Annoying Harv, Friends are Perfect for Punching (FPP):

The friends in my life all seem to delight in takning the piss out of me, shit even my parents find it funny to call me a lazy, fat shit from time to time. However I would like to talk about those two friends in my life I would love to punch right in their douchebag faces. Matt, Harv,  buddy, I am sorry to say but you are one of them. I would want to be your friend 10 times out of 10 but dude, you make me want to break your nose sometimes. It may not surprise you though that Jon is the other one Matt, I am quite sure you would want to hit him 3/4s of the time too.

Matt is a great friend to have, he gets you to do fun shit like ARPW and he teams up with you to torment the dirty bogans in australian life, but he likes to turn the teasing on to his friends as well as those that deserve it... I like the back and forth between us but sometimes I just get jack of it and he doesn't pick up on it. The best thing about you is Steph, all I need to do is walk within 1.5 meters of you and she freaks... Never have I met a more clingy and jealous woman, she is just too easy to make fun of bro and your attitude towards my teasing of your boo is what makes you a friend I would rather not do without. Your tolerance of me is the true reason I hang with you at all, most of the people I am friends with don't really see me as someone they want to hang with outside of school, I am too annoying or too vulgar.. You sir are just as annoying and vulgar. Though I may want to beat you sometimes I am sure you want to do the same to me, we are just too alike sometimes bro.

Now my friend Jon is the kind of guy you want to walk up to, slap in the face with a giant black dildo, then throw something that would stain all over him. I met Jon in Cubs (Junior Scouts) and I immediately hated him, he was a curly haired dickhead and he still is. What has changed is me and my attitude towards him, he is a giant metalcore loving dick but he has wicked humor. During a discussion about my yr 12 formal this year he decided that he will accompany me so I don't get bored, this descision came with the claim that he would come to the formal in a gimp suit that would be sporting a 12 inch strap-on... Fun talk that one... his obsession with metal music of all forms is somethig impressive indeed, yet even more impressive is his obsession screaming at absolute strangers only when I am around him in public. My best memory of Jon is when we were at our local mall, waiting in the underground parking lot for a ride when a man and his 4 year old child came storming towards the automatic doors at a pace that was too fast for the sensor above the door to register. As the door was closing, the man rushed through, dragging his child head first into the glass of the closing door, the child burst out crying as blood trickled from his nose. Now it was at this point Jon and I started to chuckle, it was only when the young lady on the inside of the door started pissing herself laughing that we lost control, we were unable to stop laughing fo rthe next 50 minutes...

Conclusion:

Waffles are good, Waffles are great, Matt let me punch you and folks I am great.

Please don't hate my rhyming skills, they are in their infancy I assure you. All the revelations contained herein will be better if you say them in a Darth Vader voice.

P.S Was it funny?.... I really dont want to pee in public also, the secret identity of Archibald will be revealed next musing....

Live Long and get Rekt Peons, Gig